Tortured Soul
by Fatepaw
Summary: Hollyleaf has spent her whole life working to become leader now she needs Breezepelt to help her prove a point to Honeyfern and Cinderheart in a most sinful and unacceptable way. Inkcest included, so don't say I didn't warn you. -pokes story- one-shot


((This includes inkcest, Hollyleaf and Breezepelt being sister and brother, but going against the tide and being mates. Don't read if you don't support it.

By the way, Sins readers, I'm almost done with the next few chapters, so yay!

Can an animal sin?))

His eyes watched me as I padded towards the prey pile with a pump vole. I didn't care to look back and challenge his focused glance. Once when I did he just sighed and walked away pretending that he had been doing nothing. I passed it off, but the burning feeling always came back when I was under his line of vision. Sometimes I wondered at night about his silent watch over me. Surely, he hadn't guessed that I was his sister? It was possible since Birchfall commented on our close resemblance a quarter moon ago. I took a deep breath. There was no use in worrying considering that no one besides Jayfeather, Lionblaze, Leafpool, and Squirrelflight. They would never tell the truth. My claws tear the dirt flooring before dropping the vole I was still carrying. My plans to became leader would be ruined if anyone ever found out about my parents: Crowfeather and Leafpool.

It was a fact in our history that they had, had a relationship, but no one knew they produced three kits: Lionblaze, the best fighter that ThunderClan, or should I say StormClan has ever created, Jayfeather, StormClan's first medicine cat, and me, a highly respected hunter. If anyone found out it would be devastating to the clan and our acclaimed honor. No, that would never happen, not in a hundred moons. I turned around to find that Breezepelt was arguing with Spiderleg, but his eyes were trained to my every move. Some cats might find this creepy, but I found this to be irritating.

I could easily tell him to stop and he would, but I want to at the moment. My powers was to persuade others into my doing. I didn't care to use my power with Greystar, StormClan's leader, into making me deputy because I had to earn it on my own. even though it was tempting to do so.

"He likes Hollyleaf so much." I heard Honeyfern whispered to her sister. "Oh, I know, too bad she's so concentrated on the Warrior Code that she doesn't notice him." Cinderheart coo in pity for me. That was the problem being best friends with a gossip your business was everyone's business. I turned my mind their direction and glared at them. They didn't seem to notice and continued talking. "I mean he use to off limits since we were in different clans. He was in WindClan and she in ThunderClan, but after having to combine our clans to survive against MarshClan I thought they would be mates." Honeyfern mewed. "There always did seem to be a fire to Hollyleaf when she spoke to him or about him..." Cinderheart agreed.

"Plus, the only cats she can't be with are MarshClan warriors. Maybe it's...No, that would be silly." Honeyfern looked to be fighting with herself. I rolled my eyes at her. All her thoughts were about gossip or Berrynose, but mostly that cream puff. "What would be silly?" Cinderheart asked, her blue eyes sparkling. "Well, maybe she already has a mate...You know in MarshClan." Honeyfern eyes flickered to meet her sister's eyes with horror. "You could be right. One time I caught her peering over into their territory as if she was looking for someone." Cinderheart commented. "That's why she's so obsessed with the Warrior Code. It's just a mask to hide her true failures." Cinderheart mewed as if she solved a puzzle.

What? I followed the Code because that's what I'm supposed to do. Now, these mousebrain warriors were saying me, a cat who would one day rule StarClan, as traitor. There was no way in the forest that was happening. I had prove to them I wasn't with a MarshClan warrior. Honeyfern and Cinderheart spread rumors like wild fire so I had to drench their words before anything got out. I strolled past the two she-cats and to Breezepelt. He was the only possible solution to my problem right now. Every warrior had a mate and none of the apprentices were old enough.

Yes, he was my half-brother, but it had to be done. Nothing mattered more than my duty to the Warrior Code and my future role as StormClan's leader. "There is no possible situation where you fight off two foxes." I heard Breezepelt growl at Spiderleg. "Of course there is. I'm a ThunderClan warrior unlike you, a pathetic scrap of WindClan's remains." The dark trooper hissed. Breezepelt's claws were out instantly and cut across Spiderleg's face. Even Breezepelt could become aggressive when he was reminded that he was the only true WindClan warrior left.

Everyone else from WindClan had mingled with ThunderClan and were giving birth to pure blood Stormclan kittens. StormClan kits would get muscle from their ThunderClan blood, but speed from their WindClan relatives. Yes, StormClan was going to be a very powerful mix of cat.

I stepped between the two toms as they glared at each other. "Breezepelt, come with me and Spiderleg," My green hues twisted around to the large tom. "Don't you _ever_ insult Breezepelt with such terms. He's just as much as a StormClan warrior as you or I." I hissed. I turned tail and left the camp. The former WindClan warrior would be glad to have a reason to get out of the camp and away from everyone that irriated him. Breezepelt followed behind me, a dark cloud settling around him as we walked out into and the forest. When StormClan was formed it was desided that leaf fall and leaf bare were going to be spent in ThunderClan's old camp and new leaf and green leaf in WindClan's former camp. We were heading into leaf bare and prey would become something of luck. We headed towards the Sky Oak. The apprentices and mentors wouldn't be caught here now that it was so dark outside. Owls could snatch one of the tiny apprentices.

I had never ever been great in the romantic sense, but it was Breezepelt that I was dealing with. "See you later, Hollyleaf." Breezepelt mewed and before I looked back to protest he was gone. I blinked at his sudden disappearance in confusion then angered. I was the one that called him out here and now he just left. When I become leader he would change his attitude in a snap. Lifting my head, I took in a deep breath and detected Breezepelt fleeing south. He was going back to WindClan territory, his real home. I wasn't sure how I knew, but it seemed logical to my senses. Even I claimed to be a StormClan warrior in everyway I still felt that nudge in my heart that I was truly a ThunderClan trooper. I too feel uncomfortable when I'm in the moorland place. My legs carried myself along the quickest path towards the old stream border between the lost and foreign clans.

The feeling of wind passing through my fur was thrilling. Trees and ferns became a blur to my eyes as I charged through the forest with only one intent: Catching Breezepelt. I didn't feel the need to protect him as a brother or any other relation, but in the sense to keep my position as future leader of the clan. Honeyfern's and Cinderheart's talk early meant everything to my hunger and desire for power. Their opinions were the make or break of my founding just like every other warriors in StormClan, Greystar would only pick a cat who was respected and loved by the clan. Yes, to have Breezepelt would secure two cats' thoughts on me. That thought made my legs stretch farther than before.

Rushing water came to my ears as my findings stopped and Breezepelt's scent became stronger. The stream came into view and a figure looking down into the water. Moonlight casted down on the warrior creating the illusion of darkness carressing the shiny ebony fur that held Breezepelt. I slowed my pace to a stand still as I watched the dark warrior staring into the water and seeing his reflection. There was a distraught look on his face, but his eyes showed a tortured soul. In all of this I found it to be intrancing to come closer and become part of this beautiful mystery to Breezepelt's tormented spirit. This desire was far greater than anything I've ever felt before, even more than my power lust that originated in my apprenticeship. I wanted to crush him under my paws.

My first step towards an unforgiveable act. StarClan ancestors screamed as I continued towards the attractive black tom with a forbidden intent. I sat down next to Breezepelt before placing my head under his chin and purred in pure delight at the contact. The warrior tensed and removed himself from the situation and stared at me, completely confused at my kind action. There was more anguish in his eyes than before when he was sitting there. "What are you doing?" He growled. I just smiled sweetly at him and took a step towards him. Now he understood what I wanted to do with him. "Hollyleaf..." His amber pools darkened, but he stepped further away.

"Yes?" I asked still focused on my desire for him. "Don't do this. You're not thinking correctly." Breezepelt mewed trying reason with me, but it did no good. "How am I not?" I questioned him flicking my tail back and forth as if trying to catch a mouse. Yet again his eyes flashed in uncertainty. "Sorry to be the one to you this, but..." He paused. "I'm your brother and when you come to me like this so determined it's torture to my being." Breezepelt hoped to see that I would be shocked and stop this behavior, but I didn't.

"I have known for quite a time about our blood relationship with each other." I answered took a step forward. This time he didn't back away. "Then...?" Breezepelt trailed off as I started to lick his cheek. "I don't care." I purred to him. His body tensed for a few seconds and I began it lick his other cheek. "But, this isn't right. No one would approve of this." He muttered more to himself then me. I met his eyes. "No one knows about our being siblings." I mewed trying to convince him. Lionblaze and Jayfeather knew, but I really didn't care. They would frown on my lust was too hard to fight. "And StarClan wouldn't either. It goes against everything that's right." Breezepelt tried again.

"StarClan doesn't know everything about the right and wrong." I whispered licking his right ear. "Your brothers know, don't they?" He asked using this last resort. I begining to wear down his defenses and so my desire would be fulfilled. "Of course they do. They might disapprove but they have no power over me and who I want to be with. Lionblaze was with Heathertail as an apprentice and Jayfeather had a fling with some she-cat I can't even recall now. They have no right to judge this when they did so much worse." I mewed continueing to lick his scared ear.

Breezefall said nothing was quite a while before I felt him nudging me away with his leg. It was a soft touch that seemed playful. I looked into his eyes. They were filled with lust plus something else... I decided to play his game and pushed him back harder then he had with me. He staggered back before he barreled into me. The inpact made us tumble to the ground. We stopped rolling with me under him staring up into his bold eyes. They were filled love for me and only, yet I held no such emotion for him, only lust and desire for power drove me into this. I smiled up at the dark warrior. He was my key to becoming leader and for that I could learn to love him to the best of my ability. We played with each other for a while before finally doing the act that no one could approve of.

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When we went back to camp we went back to our normal behaviors. I slept next to Cinderheart and Breezefall slept outside like how WindClan use to do. As I drifted into sleep I kept smiling. My place as StormClan's future was in place. No one could stop my rise to power now, although Lionblaze would be a threat. I just had to get Greystar on my side....

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A half moon after our first mating the clan began to notice that we always went out on patrols together and the gossip started. Honeyfern smiled at us when we went patroling with her and Birchfall. "Hollyleaf, I think we should head to the Sky Oak while these two go somewhere else." Honeyfern offered. I looked at Breezepelt not wanting to be parted from my mate to spend time with someone I didn't care for much. My relationship with him was steady. Only a day passed until we mated again, but after that nothing. I wanted to go out again with him alone, but someone always padded us and I didn't want to say no to them. We were walking extremely close so that our fur was touching.

Breezepelt didn't say anything to suggest that maybe me and him should go together. I sighed and started towards Sky Oak with Honeyfern bouncing along next to me. Once we were out of earshot the she-cat started asking questions. Mindless, mousebrain questions. "So, you and Breezepelt?" She asked. "What about me and Breezepelt?" I asked looking towards her. "Are you two together as in mates?" The tabby questioned. I smiled at having to acknowledge him as mine. All mine. "Yes, we're mates." I said. She screamed in my ear as a reaction and I wanted to whack her, but didn't. "Oh, I always thought he liked you. Cinderheart saw the connection too and you know she's a bit blunt when it comes to relationships. I wish someone would scope her up like Foxcatcher did with me. But, when did he say he loved you?" She asked.

I blinked Breezepelt never said that he loved me, but in my heart I knew he did. "He's never said out loud." I mewed. Her blue eyes flashed with worry then concern. "Oh I'm so sorry, Hollyleaf. Owlwhisker says he loves me every single day and it's not that big of a deal. Really it's not. I'm sure he's just waiting for the right timing or maybe-" She shook her head and looked down. "What were going to say?" I growled at the she-cat. "Nevermind." She mewed quickly and charged off. I chased her for a short time before tackling her.

"What were you going to say about the right timing something else?" I asked urgently. What did she mean? "Well, maybe he doesn't love you. That's how Berrynose was, he used me once and then jumped onto someone else. Stop this before your heart is broken." She mewed her eyes clouded with her past actions. "Breezepelt doesn't have to tell me that he loves me to make me feel good about myself. He does so through actions and for that I am grateful for because he knows I can stand by myself." I mewed to the she-cat. She looked at me like I was crazy. I stepped away from her. "Let's just hunt and get back to camp. I'm for bringing up bad memories for you." I mewed. "It's fine." Honeyfern mewed and went back to her happy self. "I'm happy you finally found someone that makes you glow." Was her last statement.

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"Go to the place and I'll get Jayfeather." Lionblaze mewed to me as he passed by me and Cinderheart. "Excuse me, Cinderheart." I whispered and took off as fast as I could to the normal meeting place. What did my brothers want to talk about now? We haven't had a power of three meeting for quite a while but now. Jayfeather must have dreamed something. That was it. I made my way there slower than usual because I partly feared of the peace that I've grown so use to would be broken.

Jayfeather and Lionblaze were already there and staring at me. "What's the point of this meeting? MarshClan has been behaving as of late, so Jayfeather must have had a dream..." I trailed off as Lionblaze's amber eyes became daggers. "We're here to talk about you and your relationship with a certain someone." Lionblaze growled. This was the confrontion about Breezepelt that I knew would happen in the end. "I was talking with Icefrost and she said she talked with Honeyfern who said you and Breezepelt were mates. We've noticed that you go out with him on regular patrols and walk closer than clanmates should." The flame colored tom said anger rising steadily. "Is it true or just a rumor?" Jayfeather asked me as he placed a tail around Lionblaze's shoulders.

"What do you think?" I asked the two of them. They looked at each other before Jayfeather answered. "Honeyfern might just be a gossip, but we've noticed you being a good friend to him lately, so we believe that you two are indeed mates." I took a breath. "Yes, Breezepelt and I are mates." I comfirmed my brothers' fear. "He's your brother, Hollyleaf, and you know it." Lionblaze hissed at me. "It's against the Warrior Code and StarClan will send you to the Dark Forest for such forbidden practices." The orange tom hissed. "He's my half-brother and the Warrior Code says nothing about us not being mates. I know that backwards and forwards unlike you two. I've taken a mate from my clan the Code allows that. As for StarClan," I mewed. "I am one of the three and we will rule over StarClan." I finished.

"We are not going to rule over StarClan." Lionblaze growled. He didn't want to admit to the power that we held in our paws or his own power. Yes, his power was to be a monster that thirsted for blood in battle. "We'll see when we get there." I meowed then turned to Jayfeather. "You haven't said one thing about me and Breezepelt so let me have it." I growled at the grey tom. The medicine cat just stared me in shock. "Breezepelt is all our brother and you're mates with him." He shook his head in disappointment and continued to stare with sightless eyes. "I'm telling him before you two get too deep into this." Lionblaze mewed and made to take a leave. "He already knows and he doesn't care either." I stated. My brother stopped in his tracks and stared at me in horror.

"You're not going to be mates with your brother. I'll make sure of that." Lionblaze growled. "You're not thinking straight and him either for that matter. I won't let you ruin yourself over him. I'm telling the clan about everything." Lionblaze decided. "No!" I heard Jayfeather's voice cry out. "But, she has to stop this. It's disgusting." Lionblaze mewed. "If you tell the clan that Breezepelt is our brother then we'll lose everything we worked so hard for. We are half clan kits, the bottom of the chain, although we're now all StormClan. Old feelings of rivalry will spear us and we'll go back to how it was. StormClan must never know." Jayfeather offered a reason. Lionblaze tensed before he looked back at me. "You have to stop seeing him." He mewed.

"I won't do that." I said firmly. "Stop loving him." Lionblaze pleaded. My heart stopped for a second. I didn't love Breezepelt, but he loved me more than anything in the world. I was using him for my own personal gain. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of being so cruel to my half-brother. Twisting him so I could become the leader of StormClan. When had I lost all sense of who I was? My thougts were only focused on how I could become leader and be remembered in history. Yet I never thought about the clan's well-being and that included Breezepelt.

"I don't love him." I blinked at the words I spoke. My voice was dull and dry. I looked between my brothers with horror on face. Had they noticed that I was only out for myself these days and gave no care to anyone. Had Greystar? I shook my head violently. No, I wouldn't allow myself to think that way. StormClan needed a leader who did what they could to help the clan not himself or herself. "Lionblaze..." He was the perfect cat for the job and I couldn't compare to his kindness for his clanmates. I felt myself slipping into nothingness.

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My eyes focused on Breezepelt still unsure about if I wanted to break it off with him. Lionblaze looked quite encouraging about my decision, but Jayfeather said nothing. I wanted to be leader more than any in the whole world, but up until now I had been doing it for the wrong reasons: My greed for power and acknowledgement. If I was to change this it had to start with Breezepelt. He was the one I had done the most damage to when I took him as my mate even though I only lusted after him. I looked back at my full brothers before padding towards my lover. He met my eyes with pure love with their hue. Gulit rushed over me. He really loved me like a tom should for his mate, but I was selfish in my desire. It would just be better to end it now that way he could recover and find someone else.

"I think we should talk alone, Breezepelt." I suggested stiffly. Breezepelt tilted his head before he noticed Lionblaze and Jayfeather looking in our direction. His amber hues hardened as glared at the two toms before looking back at me. "I suppose we should. Let's head towards the moorland." He mewed without waiting for my reply. I padded beside my clanmate. We walked in silence out of the camp straight into the forest. "It's nice out today." I mewed looking up at the sun. He gave no reply as he began to trot. I kept up with him in the quiet forest. It went on for a time until we reached the stream border. I hadn't come here since that night when we mated. I tensed at the thought and an old feeling returned: That desire to be with him. But I couldn't let myself to do that again when I had to break up with him.

If I was going to with Breezepelt it had to be for the right reasons. Just lusting after the dark warrior meant very little when it came to being someone's mate from what I expected. The two cats had to have an understanding of each other, could be themselves completely, and love without a care. With me, I didn't love him, understand him, or be my show my every side. No, I wouldn't continue even though I wanted him so badly and that tortured soul. I was the very cause of his anguish even now that we were mates. It made me feel in control of his life. "Breezepelt, I wanted to talk about us." I started up.

Breezepelt didn't look back at me and crossed the stream. Once he reached the sandy, he raced off in haste. I padded after the ebony warrior following his scent as he ran. I wasn't sure where he going, but my stomach twisted in a knot when I thought more and more about how I was going to hurt him further. I came to the deserted WindClan camp and stopped in my path. Breezepelt was sitting there watching my every move. "I know you don't like to talk about us or feelings, but I have to be frank with you." I mewed. "I want to stop this thing that we have." I sat right across from the large tom. "Why?" Breezepelt asked. "Was it your brothers? Did they decide to pick on you and make you do this?" He growled.

Shaking my head I met his eyes. "No, they had nothing to do with this. Breezepelt, I took advantage of you that night. Honeyfern and Cinderheart were talking about you and how I might have a MarshClan mate, so I decided to prove them wrong. I couldn't let the clan think that I was disloyal in case I was going to be future leader and their rumors spread like wildfire." I explained. His intense eyes hardened. "So, you came to me to prove something to your clanmates to earn a spot in the future." He growled at me. "Yes, but I want to make it right now. The thing is I only lusted after you. I saw how tortured you were and something made me want you like I never felt before. That's not the right way to become mates." I mewed.

"You let your clanmates control your decisions to what? Get their support? Make yourself look good so Greystar would make you deputy?" He questioned me. "Yes. If I could earn their respect than there's two cats I have support from." I nodded at his conclusions. Amber pools flashed in anger. "You don't get respect from that. You do whatever you can for your clan such as hunting, patroling, and in general caring for your clan. Hollyleaf, you are one of the worst types of cats." Breezepelt hissed. I just nodded in agreement. "So you're just going to agree with me and hope everything goes away?" He asked and shook his head. "For StarClan's sake I went against everything that was in my moral because-No, I won't say it." He muttered and walked towards a den and clawed at the walls.

"We did nothing to be ashamed of." I persisted. Although, he was my half-brother I didn't feel the way I did with my full brothers. He was different and I didn't consider him my sibling at all. "We're brother and sister, something StarClan can't approve of at all. They'll send me to the Dark Forest for sleeping with my sister once." He kept on ripping the wall apart. "I won't let StarClan send you anywhere you don't wish to go." I whispered to myself. "Whatever. I'm going somewhere where you or anyone else will bother me. Good-bye Hollyleaf, I hope you run into a fox on your way back to camp. Maybe you can murder it too." Breezefall snapped and charged off. I shivered at his words. Had I murdered him?

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A half moon and quarter moon passed by without a word to each other. Part of me wanted to go back to him that way Honeyfern wouldn't pity Breezefall and me. I couldn't let their opinions matter anymore if I wanted to become leader the right way. The clan had to come first, not my ambition. I closed my eyes then started drifting into sleep. That's when I felt a heartbeat, quick and soft, that was not my mine. I didn't think about it again and let sleep take me over.

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Another half moon passed when I felt a feather light touch. I blinked and looked around to find no one was there. I brushed off the thought as my imagination before I scented the air caught the fresh scent of mouse. My body went into perfect stalking form and I crept up to the odor of prey. It nimbled on some grass as my body tensed to ready myself for the pounce. Then I felt the feather touch my insides and that threw off my balance and almost fell over before catching myself. I blinked. What would kick my insides? Then my eyes widened in horror. So many queens spoke about when they felt their kits kick them and how delighted they were. No, I didn't want kits. I fled towards the lake in a hurry. Had anyone noticed if I gained weight?

I stopped when I saw my reflection in the water. From what I could tell my sides were exactly the same as ever, not swollen. I checked if my belly was dropping further and sighed in relief when it didn't. I may not look like I was carrying kits, but I knew I was and I could hide it. No one would have to know as long as I didn't grow too big, but I would have to tell someone. Jayfeather.

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"Jayfeather?" I asked into the medicine cat den. "Hello Hollyleaf. What did you come here for?" The grey tom asked me roughly. "Is anyone in here with you?" I mewed stepping into his den. "No one is here. Now what do you want to talk about?" He answered. "I'm having kits and I need to hide their existence." I meowed without hesitating. Jayfeather nodded. "I was wondering when you were going to find out about them. StarClan told me about their coming, but I wasn't sure what you wanted to do with them, but now you do..." Jayfeather offered an explanation. Why did Jayfeather have to know everything? I accepted his knowledge. "Now that Breezepelt and I broke up it would be awkward to have his kits and everyone knowing what happened. My children shouldn't have to deal with that. We should pass these kits onto another queen and say that we found them near the outer border. Hardly anyone goes there." I shook as I felt a kitten run its paws along my gut.

I was going to have kits, but I didn't want to be their mother. "You will have these kits in less than a half moon. The medicine cat meeting will be taking place then and I can say I found them near the stream." Jayfeather mewed. I nodded in turn and started to shake uncontrollably. What have I done?

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Green eyes traveled over the old WindClan camp. The last I had been here was when I broke up with Breezepelt's, my kits father. My eyes turned to look at my suckling children slightly in shock. In all my life I would have never imagined that I would be a mother, yet here I was with two kits. The birth had been easy as Jayfeather suggested, but I had seen something a kit shouldn't look like. The thing was deformed, abnormally large head and a twisted spine. I buried it far away so no one would ever have to see such a monster. A monster that came from my body. I shivered at the thought. Tonight was the half moon and Jayfeather was coming to take my kits away. Glancing over my two babies I took in their appearances. One was a black she-cat with six toes on her front left paw and the other a chocolate colored tom with long legs just like Breezepelt. Hopefully they wouldn't carry any other features that linked me to them or Breezepelt for that matter. If they had his bold amber eyes... Their father must never know and I couldn't let them know either.

This might be similar to how my mother, Leafpool, thought when she had to hide me and my brothers from the whole clan. Her sin was far worse than mine though. She was a medicine cat who fell in love with a WindClan warrior, Crowfeather, then had his kits in secret. These kits were pure blood StormClan, not an ounce of their blood was filthy, yet they wouldn't get the respect for that. I sighed then looked up to hear someone entering the camp. I gave my kits a swift lick of comfort before rising to greet whoever was out there. I had cleaned up my birthing blood yesterday so no one would notice kits.

I stepped out of my den to see a dark figure just entering the camp. His legs were longer than the normal warrior's and his pelt the color of ebony. Amber eyes flickered over to me suddenly and my emerald hues met his. "Breezepelt..." I breathed. Why was he here? If he caught the scent of milk coming from me or the kits holding my scent then it would be over for everyone. "Jayfeather told me to come to the WindClan camp for some catmint." I mewed quickly. Breezepelt just nodded and started to look around. He entered the leader's den and I didn't wait for him to come back out. I had to get my odor off of the kits.

My children were crawling around not knowing where I was. I picked up the she-cat with my jaws and forced my way through a barrier of grass. I found a patch of garlic and let the kitten roll in it before taking it again and putting it under a tree root. Don't let a creature take you from my life. I prayed then went to fetch her brother. I gave her one last look and took off in a hurry. I made my way to my den and the brown tom was right where I left him. I picked the male up and took him to the garlic patch. He let out a squeak as he rolled and I smiled at the little guy before taking him to his sister a short distance away. She was there waiting patiently. I dropped her sibling next to her and turned tail towards some other herb other than garlic. If any milk scent came from me cats would guess that I was the mother and Breezepelt the father.

I crashed into a garden of catnip and rubbed myself in it for a short time until I heard a loud snap from ahead of me. I turned my head down to see Breezepelt watching me with lustful eyes. Without thinking I smiled at the smile and from the pit of my stomach I felt that urge to be with him like before everything had happened. He grinned then stepped back. All the want in his eyes disappeared and betrayal followed. We couldn't repeat what happened that night with each other. I got up slowly and took small steps towards my kits' father.

I sat down in front of my ex-mate and watched him. A new torture entered his eyes yet it was close to what I had seen the first night we mated. That forbidden sinful act that us down a road of misery. I felt guilty about making him question his morals and his place in StarClan, but I couldn't change the past. His eyes met mine. "Shouldn't you be collecting these instead of rolling in it like a kitten?" He growled coldly.

"Yes, but there's no point in just collecting it when I can have some fun." I mewed. "You never did care for fun, only business." He contradicted. I shivered at the truth marked by his words. "True enough, but why are you here, Breezepelt?" I asked him, trying to change the conversion. He was silent, but glared intently at me. ''Well? Why are you here?" I asked again slightly irriated at the black trooper in front of me. "You didn't come back from patroling yesterday, so I tracked you down to here." Breezepelt answered.

"Of course I did. You just didn't notice because I woke up early and was out all day then Jayfeather asked me to find catmint, so here I am." I explained without fault. Lying had become a second nature to me. "No, you weren't in the warriors' den last night. I would have caught your fresh scent in there, but there was none other than from the night before, so I went looking for you." He hissed. "Your scent is covered here, but someone else was here." He mewed looking away partly hurt. "You're meeting with another tom, right?" He asked. Silence settled between the two of us. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I couldn't deny other wise I would have to say who the other scent belonged to and I feared that most of all, but I couldn't say yes either. Breezepelt would tell the clan.

"You say that you care about your clanmates opinion yet here you are meeting with an rogue tom. If you want to be leader of StormClan pay attention to the code and end whatever you have going on as soon as possible." He mewed. "I won't tell anyone if you stop seeing him." He shook with a silent rage. His jealously towards an invisible enemy made me twitch uncomfortably. Breezepelt, a warrior of StormClan, loved me to no end yet all I felt was lust for him. "Thank you," I mewed. "Breezepelt." I whispered and placed my head under his chin. He stood rigid as I leaned into him.

Although I could never love him like he loved me I felt a flicker of liking towards him. He was willing to protect me from the Warrior Code even though I didn't do anything to disrupt it. If I hadn't wanted power maybe I could have happily been in love with me and we would be mates, but that was kithood dream, not mine. Caring for my whole clan was more important than just him. I was nice to be comforted by this tom if only for a second.

We stayed like that for a short while until I heard Jayfeather's voice coming closer. "Breezepelt, Hollyleaf?" His voice asked, but I kept still. Maybe he would go away and leave us for a while longer. Breezepelt turned his head in the medicine cat's direction. "We're right here." He called out and made me look into his eyes. "We can't repeat what we did two moons ago." Regret dripped into his voice and I nodded. No, we couldn't. "Right." I mewed and gave him a swift lick on the cheek. "Maybe we should try to be friends instead of just clanmates." I suggested. Breezepelt stiffened then nodded. "Only friends?" He mewed. "Yes." I answered part of me wanted more, but my lustful side wasn't part of that. I wanted that comfort to come from him again.

"I was wondering if you got the catmint, Hollyleaf, but it seems you did so I'm going to check things out." Jayfeather mewed to me then started smelling for my kits. He would find them and tell us then my secret children would meet the clan.

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Six moons passed since that night. My kittens were found and given to Heathertail, the mother of Lionblaze's kits, so they would be raised with their cousins. Each day they grew, I grew closer to Breezepelt. There was always a barrier between the two of us because we kept remembering what I had done to him and his feelings for me. I had twisted him up and dropped him like a rock. I sighed at the memory and looked at my two children.

The she-cat, Echokit, looked similar to Sandstorm in build, but she had amber hues and when they were slits had a ring of green. She would be a great hunter once she learned how. Then her brother, Oakkit, was close to Brezepelt's light and lean structure and his eyes were a deep amber just as bold as his father's. Whenever Oakkit and Breezepelt interacted anyone could tell they were father and son. The only thing that kept cats from thinking they were related was the fact Oakkit was bought in from the outside. Breezepelt had taken a special interest in the kits, especially Oakkit, after we "found" them.

Echokit pounced on Oakkit playfully and Heathertail scolded the two of them. I was grateful to Heathertail for raising my children to the best of her ability, but never expressed my feelings. Lionblaze would find out and be in outrage if he ever found out about their parentage. "Want to share?" I looked around to see Breezepelt with a black bird in front of him. "Sure." I mewed took a bite of the prey as he settled down next to me. "I can't believe their going to make those two into apprentices. I mean they are so troublesome to the clan. Jayfeather doesn't even allow them inside his den after they trashed his piles of herbs." Breezepelt grinned at the memory. I laughed lightly when I pictured Echokit innocently trying to get away when Jayfeather smelled Oakkit rolling in some yew leaves.

"Yes. I wonder who their mentors will be." I glanced around the camp looking over some of the warriors. Echokit would need someone to be stern with her and Oakkit needed someone who would wrack him when he rolled in patches of garlic. I grinned remembering my son's keen interest in rolling herbs. He didn't want to be a medicine cat he just liked the smelling like a bunch of leaves.

"Whoever gets them, I feel sorry for those mentors. Echokit and Oakkit aren't worth the trouble." Breezepelt mewed fondly as he looked at Oakkit swatting at Echokit. Heathertail had given up trying to fix them up. Although, he didn't know he was their father, he acted very nuturing towards the two, maybe more than I had suspected. "They'll be fine with whoever they get. StormClan is full be great warriors including you and me." I mewed in reply before biting off a bit of bird. "Are you hoping to get your first apprentice?" He whispered. I swallowed then turned to him. We didn't talk about me and my hunger for power. "No." I said to soon to be true.

"If you ever are to be leader then you have to." he poked my wounds and I flinched. No, we weren't suppose to talk about this because this only bought up bad memories for me and him. "Let's not talk about us, Breezepelt. These past moons have been nice with you, but if we talk our history then that will go away." I demanded. "No, it won't because I'm not like that anymore." He mewed. That was a complete lie, but he tried to put on a strong front. "Fine, but if we start fighting about this, then we stop." I mewed. "Agreed." He said.

Before we could start, Greystar marched up to the Tall limb. "May all cat old enough to protect starClan gather under the Tall limb." He called. He was older than any cat in the forest. He ribs were poking out in places and his fur dulled in comparison to the deputy, Whitetail. Although Whitetail wasn't far behind him. "Tonight we honor four kits who are ready to become apprentices and another matter we know is bound to happen soon." The grey tabby mewed. His yellow eyes flickered over the clan. "Goldenkit and Branchkit please step forward..." Greystar gave Goldenpaw to Icefrost and Branchpaw to Dappledwing, Honeyfern and Owlwhisker's son.

"Echokit and Oakkit, please step forward to receive your apprentice names and mentors." The old leader coughed. My children walked forward, both of them proud as can be. "Echokit and Oakkit you will be known as Echopaw and Oakpaw from now on." Greystar regained his composure and glanced over his clan before he rested his eyes on Poppyfrost. "Poppyfrost, you are ready for another apprentice after Driftedpaw died, so take Echopaw. Teach your loyalty and intellect for StarClan's sake we all know she needs it." Greystar grinned and the clan laughed. Echopaw frowned before trotting up to meet Poppyfrost.

The tortoiseshell wasn't who I would have picked for my daughter, but she would do. Oakpaw grinned at his sister before giving Breezepelt a quick glance. "Breezepelt you are ready for another apprentice after Dappledwing, so take Oakpaw under your wing. Teach him yoour determination and tracking skills. Although make sure you don't touch him how to track down herbs other wise we'll have a garlic smelling warrior in our dens." Greystar mewed and Oakpaw basically ran all the way to Breezepelt. They touched noses and I had to look away. No one could deny they were father and son with their bold eyes and lithe bodies. No one. But no body could prove they were.

"I will teach you all I know." Breezepelt mewed and licked Oakpaw's ears before settling back down with me. Oakpaw rested down beside his mentor and gave me a wide grin. I wanted to claw his face so no one could suspect their connection, but resisted the urge. "StormClan, we know that I am going to die soon and Whitetail is almost as old as I am so she is going to retire herself that way she doesn't become leader. You need a leader that is young enough to live for years, not a few moons." Greystar mewed.

It was all over. I would never become leader because I never had an apprentice. Everything I had done, had gotten me no where closer to my goal. I needed an apprentice. Rage filled inside my form when I saw a couple of warriors looking smug with themselves. They suspected they were going to be picked as the next deputy. Why couldn't I be one of those? I growled in annoyance which earned a look from Breezepelt. "Calm down, Hollyleaf." He whispered and I glared at him. How could he say that? Every day I made myself work harder than anyone else, yet I never got an apprentice. I shook and my claws crossed the earth in my fury. It wasn't fair.

"Kestrelwing please step forward." Greystar mewed. My eyes widened and turned towards my full brother. What in the world? A medicine cat become a leader, that was out of the question. Everyone was looking at the mottled tom unsure of what to think about this new development. Kestrelwing just blinked with bright eyes. "I said step forward and tell everyone about your dream." Greystar ordered. Then Kestrelwing wasn't going to be deputy? Good. The second medicine cat stepped forward and stood on the roots of the Tall limb so he was just slightly above the rest of the clan. Jayfeather couldn't have his own StarClan dreams, but he did interupt others.

"StarClan sent me a dream a few days ago. I standing in a sunny meadows just looking up at the dark clouded. Then it started to rain hard. A flood was about to wash me away when I felt something move me just in time." He mewed looking over his clanmates. I followed his wandering eyes that were looking everywhere. "I saw a grey warrior washing its pelt, its back turned to me. 'I'm so glad that you're awake.' The cat said before turning towards me with wide blue eyes. From what I could tell, the storm had been tamed by her coming. The sun shone down on her like no other..." Kestrelwing trailed off dreamily.

"It's easy to see that this warrior is suppose to lead StormClan and keep the peace. Before my StarClan ancestors from the old ThunderClan, WindClan, and new StormClan please accept my choice in deputy that you have shown in Kestrelwing's dream. She is truly a worthy choice." Greystar called to the dead cats in the stars. For a time there was complete silence. I looked around the camp for a grey she-cat with blue eyes before I saw Dappledwing's sister, Silvermirth. She was a quiet cat, but loyal and smart. Though she couldn't lead to save her life. StormClan couldn't survive with a leader like her and naturally Greystar wouldn't agree would he? Just because StarClan sent a dream didn't mean it was correct.

"Cinderheart will be StormClan's new deputy. She has always served her clan first and kept up with every single cat without felt whether it was an elder or a kit." The leader called. All eyes turned to my best friend. Yes, she would do a fine job, but I felt bitter. After all I was the once that wanted to be leader as an apprentice and she just wanted to be enjoying herself. I rolled my eyes. Work twice as hard and get half of the pay you deserve. The grey she-cat looked at me wondering how I taking it and I just nodded in acceptance. StarClan had a right, I suppose, in chosing Cinderheart. My friend stepped towards the Tall limb and went to speak with her clan while I sat next to my ex-lover and my son who didn't even know about me.

"We need to talk about this." Breezepelt mewed. "Whatever." I growled and my claws raked the dusty flooring.

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Breezepelt and I made our way towards the old stream border without a word to each other. "How could she take my position?" I almost screamed when we stopped walking. "She didn't take it. StarClan picked her for the job as simple as that." Breezepelt mewed. "But she knew I wanted to become leader as soon as possible since we were apprentices. I was the one that plotted and worked the hardest for what she got because of a mousebrain dream from a foxdung medicine cat. Kestrelwing gets screwed up all the time so who is to say that it's Cinderheart? What about Silvermirth? She's the same color as Cinderheart, so why not her?" I ranted.

"Silvermirth isn't the leader material and you know that. She holds no authority whatsoever in StormClan although she already had an apprentice." He meowed. "Why did she get an apprentice before me? She was a kit when I was a warrior. How does that work out? Huh?" I asked. "Because you were so focused on becoming deputy that you didn't take an interest any kitten besides Oakpaw and Echopaw. Mothers often pick who they want for their kits and since you didn't want to interact who kits, you didn't form a connection with the mothers. Cinderheart and Silvermirth took time to play with kits, so they got apprentices." Breezepelt reported.

"So, kits should get the best warriors for their warriors, not the most comfortable or friendly. Have I not proven myself to Greystar over and over again until my feet were raw from running after MarshClan rogues? I spent my _whole_ life working for this." I growled. "I used many cats in my plot and desire for power, but that means nothing now. I have nothing to fall back on now that Cinderheart is to become leader. I got absolutly _nothing_!" I yelled at StarClan.

I paced back and forth along the shore of the stream, my tail lashing out. "I'm suppose to have the power of the stars in my paws, yet I can't any become the thing I desire the most. Was my life wasted? Born a half-clan, raised under a lie, given a power, now living a lie from everyone, my best friend becoming deputy and me nothing." I cried angrily. "I served you when no one else followed the Warrior Code, they played with fire when they were apprentices and yet you reward them. You give them whatever they want: A family, prey, pride, and honor. Now you give a mindless gossip a high ranked position that I was suppose to have."

"Why?" I heard a tom's voice enter my cries. "Why what?" I mocked him and stared directly in his eyes. "Why do you suspect StarClan to just give you things that you work for?" Breezepelt asked challenging my gaze. "I have given them my life." I hissed at his stupid question. What did how mean? StarClan was my whole life and I was going to rule it sooner or later. "Maybe that's why they didn't grant you what you wanted so badly. You didn't take the time for yourself and realize who you were. Hollyleaf, you are the perfect example of what a warrior should be, loyal, brave, strong, a master hunter and fighter, but you have no faults, nothing to call your own trait. Cats can't connect with someone like that." Breezepelt answered.

"They want faults? Then I can name a hundred off of the top of my head right now starting with you. I used you in my hunt for power. You were suppose to show the clan that I loved StormClan completely and held no MarshClan connections, yet I screwed up everything. I thought that I should step back and only be your mate for the right reasons. That did no good because I still felt a desire for you and your torture soul. Even now I want to crush you so I see how much I can hurt you. It's disgusting how much I want you, my blood brother no less. A sin by word and nature." I took a deep breath and Breezepelt looked unsure of what to say to me.

"So what. Even if you say you only want to see my pain I'm willing to take it all just so I can be with you. It is horrible to talk with you knowing what we had was lost because I ran off in a fit of anger when you told me you took advantage of me. The truth of the matter is in a sick way you love me. Killing me would never stop my anguished soul only you can rip me up then tear me to shreds with your eyes." He reasoned. An old flame filled my body as he spoke. His amber eyes hardened as he spoke and that mind set of his caught my eye. He was the prey I could mess with every day and never get bored with even far into the night. Only he could stop my desire for short enough time lap so I could feel some other emotion. Breezepelt was my tortured soul and sin.

((The question I asked before actually means: Does an animal have a soul?

_purrs_ I love this story...))


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